My Adult Thoughts

I used to know a fellow called Barry. He was probably about seventy five, (he never told me his exact age) wore his beard long and tasseled, with hair extensions here and there, and could often be seen roaming the hills with a walking stick under one arm. He was a strange old man, not from around our parts, and on many occasions he would greet me with a nod of his head and a quick reminder that he got all his dating free.

I never quite understood what he meant by 'I get all my dating free, matey!' I always remarked that I was very jealous of him, but in truth I never quite figured out what he meant. One day I hoped that I too would get all my dating free. It seemed to do wonderful things for Barry, or so he told me.

Anyway, we were on one of our walks over the hillside one morning, when a brand new walking stick materialised in front of the two of us. I can tell you honestly, it was gorgeous! It was made of the purest gold, and the pommel sparkled with a myriad of jewel colours: sapphire, diamond, emerald and pearl. The two of us gulped in an enormous breath.

But the walking stick floated just beyond the next hill. Once it was out of sight, I glanced at Barry. He glanced at me. Yes, it was going to be a race for the wonderful walking stick.

As Barry heaved his bulk into action, I could hear him whisper to himself, 'It shall be mine!'

I wasn't going to give him the chance. I rushed with all the strength in my limbs, trying to get past. Barry blocked my path and I bounced into him, nearly losing my balance. Taking a second to regain my balance, I sprinted past him and set my eyes once again upon that adorable walking stick.

In a matter of moments I had it in my grasp. I twirled with it, tested it by putting my weight on it, jumped and practised sword fighting moves. I was about try the pole vault when old Barry caught up with me.

He looked at me with pleading eyes. 'Give me the walking stick,' he said, 'and from now on you'll have all your dating free.'

Well, I agreed. But I'm still not sure what free dating did to improve my life!